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30 Day LGBT Challenge: Day 4

Find out more about the 30 Day LGBT Challenge

Day 4 – The first person you came out to and that story

Barry: I often tell the story that I never really came out.  I just had boyfriends and gradually people just realised. This question has made me realise that isn’t strictly true.  I guess if you really analyze it, the first person I came out to would have been Gary, a local kid a couple of years older than me that used to hang out at the skate bowl.  I never uttered the words ‘I’m gay’ to him once, though I’m sure he knew when we were kissing and later having what I thought was sex that I was probably somewhere on the homosexual spectrum.

62508_482759165408_4257726_nIn terms of having open conversations with my family, my sister Nicole was the first person to pull me aside and tell me it was OK to be gay and that everyone would still love me if I was.  I remember blushing a little bit and shrugging it off, and then spending the next few days delighted that someone has phrased it in such a way.  (Remembering that at high school my nickname was ‘Access’).

Even though she gave me the perfect ‘in’ to say the words out loud, it was my other sister Andrea who heard them first.  Not because it was particularly newsworthy, just that Nicole has been spending lots of weekends at my flat and had witnessed the various bed-hopping that was going on so it wasn’t necessary to say anything to her.

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3 replies

  1. It happened at a Halloween Party during my second year at college. A few weeks earlier I had bumped into a person, become infatuated, discovered I was gay, become confused, sulked a little, drank a LOT, threw myself into college work, and generally was a pain in the neck.
    So, we had all ended up at this fancy dress party (the obligatory annual outing for my Starfleet Uniform – don’t judge me), and towards the end of the night I found myself alone with this guy, trying to convince him he should stay over, which he was having none of! Eventually we kissed quite passionately and he left. I returned to my group of friends looking a little dazed and confused. Naturally they asked what was wrong, and after a short while trying to put things into words I said “I think I have a boyfriend” – to which they all cheered! One particularly plate-faced friend said at the time “No, we didn’t know, but it comes as no surprise”.

    Needless to say, I actually didn’t have a boyfriend as the guy in question had a HUGE crush on my flatmate, so that ended that little sojourn into ‘joy’.

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  2. The first time I had my own home, in that I actually owned the house, I decided it was time to stop pretending when it came time to open up the place to share with a flatmate. I knew it was long overdue but I was not sure how I would achieve it. I was on my way to place an ad in the local paper when I came across someone I’d known from school, who it turned out needed somewhere to live. Cutting a long story short, she came out to me as an addict. When we got to talking about that (and after she’d sized me up for boyfriend material and realised there was something missing in that department), somehow the conversation turned to attraction, and when she asked if I was attracted to men, I just said, finally, yes. That simple and yet so incredibly difficult in the 15-year build-up.

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