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30 Day LGBT Challenge: Day 5

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Day 5 – Thoughts regarding inner turmoil about your sexuality; did you have any? Did it escalate to self-injury or suicidal thoughts?

Barry: I never fully appreciated how blessed I was having a family and group of friends whose only concern was my happiness.  There was no real inner turmoil though I’m sure there were depressive thoughts connected with the bullying I experienced at school.  You can read a little about this here.

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2 replies

  1. Initially I had thoughts, like many of us do, about being socially outcast. Thankfully and mercifully this never happened and everyone was incredibly supportive, especially my Mum, who at the age of 70, still has the capacity to surprise me (not just with a new and unusual batch of homemade flavoured vodkas…)

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  2. I threw myself off a cliff … metaphorically, to ‘kill’ the old me, the one who’d lived a lie for so long. Standing at the glorious view I felt brave and deeply saddened I’d been brought to even a pretend suicide. Then I threw myself out of an aeroplane … literally, with a family friend celebrating her 50th. I parachuted for the only time in my life because it was almost the hardest, most challenging thing I could think of doing. If I could do that, I could do anything, like come out. By the end of that day I’d come out to another person, a long-time friend, who kind of guessed after a premonition of sorts. My demeanour was changing, my guard was down and I was evolving. People close to me were noticing. I was caring less about what people thought, however. There was probably more emotional turmoil for my friends and family than me at that stage.

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